Fear: keeping us from what we REALLY want
I recently attended a conference call about FEAR.
It’s such a negative word. Unfortunately though, it has such a presence in most of our lives.
We fear so many things. Things we can control, and worse, things we cannot.
Take a minute to yourself, and think of something you fear. I want you to use this as an example as you go through the rest of this reading.
I’ll use my greatest fear as an example: FEAR of Failure [it haunts me like a plague].
There is a HUGE difference for most people between what they really (like REALLY) want and what they are actually doing. That rings totally true for me.
If you think of your fear, can you think of something in your life in which fear is keeping you, maybe even holding you hostage from? I can.
3 years ago (to the day!), I walked across a commencement stage earning my Master of Arts in Mental Health Counseling. It was phenomenal. However, one challenge… I didn’t know if I wanted to be a therapist anymore… Fast-forward to over a year ago, I decided a great way to use those skills and fuel my passion could be becoming a Life Coach. I took courses to become a Board Certified Coach. I earned enough credits to sit for the certification examination. End of story.
Yeah… that end of story was not a typo. That’s where that ended. You know why?
OMGosh, I fear failing so badly that I froze. Geesh. I spent a couple thousand dollars (that I don’t just have laying around by the way) on courses just to ditch obtaining what the courses were for. I know. It’s ridiculous, right? Well… is it that ridiculous? I’d actually venture to say its quite common. We do that kind of thing to ourselves all the time. Are you with me?
We get super pumped and fired up about something, we dive in, we fiercely and confidently navigate the waters and then… BAM! We let a little water in our nose allow us to feel like we’re drowning. Exit stage (or pool steps) right.
Then, we deal with time. Time can seem to move so slowly at times, like when you’re at work waiting for clock out time. But if you look back on pretty much anything in your life, doesn’t it seem like yesterday?
Graduating with my Master’s degree seems like it was literally just yesterday, but at the same time, I CANNOT BELIEVE the reality is that it has been three years. What have I even done with my life in three years?
Truly, I have done a lot in 3 years… I still can’t help but think I have cheated myself of 3 years (1,095 days!) without taking risks I need to REALLY fulfill my divine, deep purpose. Why am I here – on this Earth – what am I MEANT to do?
Why haven’t I chosen to be ALL IN and LIVE BY my true, undeniable, unfaltering PURPOSE?
Take a minute to look away from my story and my path, and think about yours. You might feel sad. You might get emotional. I am sorry if you cry. However, its real and really deep stuff! It is normal to feel emotion. Allow yourself to feel it for a few moments, and then come back to this reading… we are almost done.
I want to give you an example from my recent life that you may or may not resonate with – either way; I hope it serves some insight.
Because I KNOW I want to inspire people; I KNOW I want to help people; I KNOW I want to change lives and even the world; I recently made a career decision I thought would help serve that purpose.
This story begins with what isn’t the beginning… I was on a team call with other Beachbody Coaches and my “up line Coach” 2 weeks ago. The topic was, believe it or not, FEAR! One of the things she asked us to think about is, what is your WHY, like your unshakeable WHY for doing this – Beachbody Coaching. The purpose in her context was to allow that WHY to keep you from allowing FEAR to break you down. Very great message she gave us that night.
The super ironic thing about this message for me though, was the epiphany I had. I say epiphany, but if I am being honest with you and with myself, it really wasn’t THAT much of a surprise to me.
Taking a couple steps back… in February 2016, I decided to become a Beachbody Coach. Ever heard of Beachbody? Yes. It is one of those pyramid things… direct sales/multi-level marketing. When I joined, the purpose I recited to my fiancé was “I just need to get back into a community of women – I need to be empowered and provide empowerment. I need to get back into the realm of inspiration”. This is what I formed as my WHY my up line Coach was referencing.
Back to that call on fear… my not so surprising epiphany… hah. I have to laugh because sometimes that’s the only thing that keeps us from crying, right?
God forsaking FEAR. FEAR is truly WHY I joined Beachbody. I FEARED so badly starting my own business, and putting myself out there, developing my identity and branding as a Life Coach – I feared no one would want to listen to me, or that no one would be impacted by me, or that I wouldn’t help anyone, or WORSE, that I might make something worse for another because well, I might totally, flat out fall on my face FAIL at Coaching. The answer was to abandon my desire and passion of becoming a Life Coach, and substitute that with joining a pyramid-style business model. Why? For me, working in something in which I had nothing to lose was FAR LESS intimidating.
Have you ever done something thinking it was with good intention but realized that in reality, you did it because you let FEAR keep you from doing what you really, REALLY want? I am as guilty as you.
The Coach I mentioned said something else that night during our call on fear that was super impactful. She talked about a quote by Jim Carrey, “you can fail at what you don’t want, so why not take a chance on something you love?”
I shall put my own spin on the same message.
“You can fail at anything.
Why not take a risk at something you REALLY want
rather than on something you really don’t.”
This does NOT just go with jobs, folks. This goes with anything in our lives. Relationships, parenting, friendships, sports, fitness goals, anything!
Yes, failure is a real thing. HUGE DISCLAIMER on that though y’all. Who defines failure?
Webster defines failure as lack of success. I URGE YOU to reconsider what success means – when you do, you can redefine failure.
Success = taking risks that allow myself to feel worthy of doing the things I love and am passionate about, no matter the result.
Failure = NOT taking those risks
Perspective shift, anyone?
Don’t let FEAR keep you from asking the universe for what you really want. You CAN ask for it. You must ask for it. ASK FOR IT.